What Happens If My Ex Won’t Attend a MIAM or Mediation?

One of the most common worries we hear is: “I want to sort this out properly, but I do not think my ex will take part.” It is a genuine concern, and the good news is that the other person’s refusal does not leave you stuck. This guide explains exactly what happens if your ex will not attend a MIAM or mediation, and why you can still move forward.

Mediation is voluntary, but a MIAM is expected

It helps to separate two things that often get muddled: the MIAM and mediation itself. Mediation is voluntary. Nobody can be forced to sit down and mediate, and that is the point of it, an agreement only works if both people choose to reach it. So yes, your ex can decline to mediate. The MIAM, though, is different. In most family court applications about children or finances, attending a MIAM is a required step before you can apply, unless a valid exemption applies. Crucially, your own MIAM does not depend on the other person taking part. You can attend your MIAM alone, regardless of what your ex chooses to do.

You can still get your court certificate

This is the key reassurance. If your ex refuses to engage, you attend your MIAM, and the mediator can issue the signed court certificate you need to make your application. Their refusal does not block your route to court. The same applies if the mediator decides mediation is not suitable, or if you attend your MIAM and mediation simply does not go ahead. In each case, you can be issued with the certificate that allows you to apply. With MIAM Direct, where you need that certificate we issue it within 24 hours of your MIAM, and the same day in urgent cases.

What does your ex’s refusal mean since April 2024?

Here is something many people do not realise. Since the Family Procedure Rules changed on 29 April 2024, refusing to engage in non-court dispute resolution can have consequences. The courts now place a strong expectation on both parties to consider resolving matters away from court. A party who, without good reason, refuses to attend a MIAM or engage in non-court dispute resolution may face a costs order, meaning they could be ordered to pay some of the other side’s costs. Judges can also adjourn proceedings to give the parties a chance to try mediation, even where one party has not agreed to it. In practice, this means that if you have made a genuine effort to resolve things and your ex has unreasonably refused, that is something the court can take into account, and it is not in their favour.

What the other party will be invited to do

When you decide to mediate, the mediator will contact the other party to invite them to their own MIAM. This invitation is not a summons and cannot compel them, but it does give them a clear, low-pressure opportunity to take part. Some people who are hesitant at first do change their minds once they understand that mediation is confidential, that they will not be pressured, and that it is usually far cheaper and less stressful than court. It is worth remembering that your MIAM and the invitation to the other party are confidential. The other party is simply asked to make contact and consider taking part.

Should you still try mediation if you doubt your ex will engage?

Often, yes, and for two reasons. First, people surprise you. It is common for someone who was resistant to soften once the process is explained to them properly by a neutral mediator rather than through a solicitor’s letter. Second, even if your ex does refuse, you lose nothing by having tried. You attend your MIAM, obtain your certificate, and can show the court you made a genuine effort, which, as above, now counts for something. Going through a MIAM is rarely wasted, whatever the other person decides.

Moving forward, whatever your ex decides

The bottom line is simple. Your ex’s willingness to take part is not within your control, but your own next step is. By attending your MIAM you keep your options open: if mediation happens, you may resolve everything without court; if it does not, you have the certificate you need to apply. Either way, you are moving forward rather than waiting on someone else.

This article is general information about the family court process in England and Wales and is not legal advice. For advice on your own circumstances, consult a family solicitor.